so long summer, hello rain

EMO

listening to jackson waters, 8mm and la rocca doesn't kill the depression, exacerbates it instead. the rhythm of every beat echoes into the hollow, resonating emptiness. eww. pure, virgin, unadulterated EMO.  i don't know if im ready to watch 'in the mood for love' by won kar wai, or before the sunset. not yet. not now that theres a relatively pointed monggol lying innocently before my face, waiting for my palm to embrace it into a fist, to find its way under my skin. gore. but not quentin tarantino gore. not yet. oh no. this emo thing just turned thriller. fast forward. 

suspense.

i have missed my blog and the people who usually visits it. out of boredom and to feed my need to be productive. i meddled with adobe and experimented into trying what others have been doing. i have learned to love 'cutout' and gradient, but that's all that i explored. i wanted to do a lot in my life. but guitar lessons did not come, nor did the other activities i planned for this summer. slap on my face: mai, you are not a planner.  im scared that i can never achieve anything that i dreamed of fulfilling. maybe i just need to get away from the city, the pollution is drying up my senses and clouding into my sanity. 

    why does the sky seem a prisoner. of what? a lot of things, thats for sure. the same way that i have imprisoned and succumbed to a lot of things that i cannot break away from now. like hindrances that i, myself created. i am trapped into my own insecurities. i really missed the feeling of looking forward to something, of being over excited over uncertainty and certain things at the same time. this is going nowhere. stream of consciousness. i just hope that i can do the things that i want to achieve in life. halt. now i am thinking of the things that i want to achieve in life. i am still so clueless, or maybe i have so many things i want fulfilled, or neither, either, or both.  

    i am still not giving up on my dream to be a writer. after all i am an INFP/ INPF just like Shakespeare. when i got to the 7th circle, it'll not be a mystery why Minos, decided me to end up there. ngayon palang, i am aware of the genre of violence i savor now. again, thriller. hail Dante! 

     maybe i just missed the rain. maybe i need to pour it out too.